QUESTION and COMMENTARY
Can you please show me where in the Bible God tells a wife it’s OK to withhold sex from her husband. I know that a husband should do Eph 5:25, does it say that if he doesn’t at all times it’s OK for his wife to withhold sex? When I’m doing Eph. 5:25 and my wife still withholds sex it’s hard to continue with Eph 5:25, I do still try but I am only human and I am here in the flesh.
I have found that sex within marriage is not a negotiable thing, God says a husband and wife should satisfy each others sexual needs, (1 Corinthians 7.3). And not withhold sex only when both agree and for a time to pray and then resume their normal sexual relations with each other, and this should be on a regular basis.
However, if you cannot control your desires, you should get married. It is better for you to marry than to burn with sexual desire. (1 Corinthians 7.9).
I am married and still burn with sexual desire when my wife withholds. Did I miss something in God’s word or am I just stupid?
ANSWER
First, let me say that I have no reason to think that you are stupid!
Ephesians 5.25 does not have a sexual context. There is nothing in the text that speaks about the subject of sex.
Second, the 1 Corinthians passage (7.9) does speak about marriage partners withholding sex during a specific time devoted to prayer, but then they should come back together. This passage is a correction to those in the church at Corinth who may have thought that once they had become Spirit-filled they no longer had to involve themselves with mundane human stuff like sex. Paul writes to correct them. I don’t think that Paul is saying that every day that you are going to pray that mates should abstain from sexual intercourse.
As a pastor for many years, I know that sexual problems within a marriage are only a sign of deeper marriage problems. You might suggest that you both talk about what might be causing your wife’s response (remember, I am only hearing one side of the story here). Problems within a marriage are usually not one-sided and there is usually fault on both sides.
If you cannot talk about it in private between each other, you might want to seek professional help.
